When it comes to relationships, is good the enemy of great?

A few years ago, a wise client said to me, "Kathy, you know, maybe it's time I just let this relationship go. Good is the enemy of great, after all." I recall saying that I didn't agree, that I thought good could be made into great. We tried, for a long time, to transform his relationship from good to great and ultimately, he decided it just wasn't good enough. Since that time, I've thought about this sentiment - good being the enemy of great - many times and I've concluded, it is true.

Good is not bad, but let's be honest, good isn't great. What makes good the enemy of great is that good is usually just good enough to keep us from taking the action we know we need to take. Good keeps us satisfied, but not thrilled. Good keeps us content, but not elated. Good keeps us coasting, but not soaring. So good is really not bad, but it isn't nearly great.

So maybe you're asking: Should we always expect great? Is great even realistic in a relationship? Yes, great is realistic and something we should expect, just not in every aspect of our relationships. If I was asked to rate my marriage, would I say it's perfect in every way? No, it's not, and that's OK because it is great in the ways that matter to me the most. We shouldn't strive for perfection, rather we should strive to make the good as great as we can and to realize that expecting some greatness in a relationship is appropriate.

What do you think? Do you ever find yourself settling for good? How do you know when it is good enough?

I look forward to reading your thoughts.

-Dr Kathy