Your old relationship doesn’t live there any more.
Many people will ask me, “Can’t we just forgive and forget?” Others ask me, “How do we get back to the way things were?” Unfortunately, the answer to both questions is that it’s not possible. It’s not possible to just forgive and forget, emotions don’t work like that and they don’t turn on a dime. Real healing takes the slow build-up of trust and the experience, over a long period of time, that you are again a safe, secure, and comfortable person for your spouse to lean on. As for getting back to the way things were, we need to remember that your affair happened because of they way things were, so we don’t really want to get back to that place. Rather, we need to closely look at what was missing from the relationship before that caused you (or your partner) to go outside the relationship for comfort and support from someone else.
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